The Arrival of Crown Prince, Ayshan Adnan

We went to see Dr Wong when we were 38 weeks 1 day pregnant. Another cervix check showed that we’re still closed and not due to give birth so soon. That was on 15 January 2016. Husby and I continued doing what we can…going for long walks and shopping but by then, I was seriously very tired of being pregnant. Yes, the pregnancy journey has been wonderful but I was physically tired. The strain on the back was taking a toll on me and the rest that I never fully get anymore as sleeping positions were limited.

On Monday, 18 January 2016, I started feeling slight contractions throughout the night and I decided to start my maternity leave that week to concentrate on trying to go into labour. Nothing happened.

Until the morning of 20 January 2016. I woke up around 6am to go to the toilet and discovered that my underwear has been soiled, due to water bag leakage. Woke husby up, informed Dr Wong, and made our way to Thomson Medical Centre. We were brought to the delivery suite where the nurse did a cervix check on me and told me that I was 1cm dilated. At that time, the contractions were highly manageable. Ard 10am, Dr Wong came and he did another cervix check; a painful one. He stretched the cervix and more water came gushing out. After lunch, I was sent to the ward first (this is so that we don’t have to pay an exorbitant fee by staying at the delivery suite as it is charged by the hour).

At 4pm, I was brought to the labour ward and after yet another painful cervix check which showed that I was still 1cm dilated, Dr Wong ordered a drip for me to make the contractions more powerful. And since then, it was hell. the contractions from 5 mins apart, came to 1 min apart painfully. I had earlier requested for epidural to be administered but Dr Wong said that I shld only start taking epi when I’m at least 3cm dilated. By 6pm, I was in tears at practically every contraction that I insisted to have epi, even though I was still at 1 freaking cm.

The epidural procedure was a highly traumatising event for me. 

The anesthetist came, and asked my husby to wait outside the delivery suite (Apparently, this is normal as husbands are not allowed to watch the procedure). He then asked me to move myself towards the edge of the hospital bed and curl up into a ball. I did. And then, it started. He asked, “Is this the best you can do?” I was flabbergasted by the question. Mind you, I was having 1 min apart painful contractions and a 3kg baby lodged in me. Of course, it was the f*cking best I could do! I answered him, “yes.” And then he went on to say how I shouldn’t move during the procedure else there would be serious repercussions. Because I was at the edge of the bed, curled up into a ball, I cldn’t grab hold of anything during the epi administration to will the pain away. So, I groaned. And what did the doctor say? He said, “Don’t groan. You are distracting me.” I’m like…WTF! I’m the one in pain, and I have to care about distracting HIM? You gotta be kidding me. It was so painful that I had to ask the nurse to hold my hand. It was THAT pathetic. The nurse offered me her FINGERS which I guess she was scared I was gonna break them or something. She did nothing for me. NOTHING. After the doctor administered the epi, he suddenly said, “you’re pushing it out, you’re pushing it out”. Again, I’m curled up into a ball, at the edge of the bed, afraid to move as I was warned of the SERIOUS REPERCUSSIONS, and he is saying I’m pushing something out. Like, seriously?? And then he said, “you see la..you pushed it out, I have to do it again.” Oh, I’m so effing sorry, dear doctor, that YOU have EXTRA work to do. I’m sooooo sorry to have inconvenience you.

After going through this shitty ordeal, I wish I had better news. But I don’t. The epidural did not work on me. I still felt pain, although slightly lesser, but pain, nonetheless. Even after giving maximum dosage, the pain was still excruciating. When the nurses told me they had to call the doctor again for his advice, I vehemently told them, while crying profusely that I wanted another anesthetist. The nurses thought that I was crying due to the pain but I clarified that I was, in actual fact, crying because of the traumatising ordeal. In fact, whenever I recall the ordeal and as I am typing this out, I am also crying. I do not wish for anyone to have gone through what I did.

At about 9+, Dr Wong came to see my progress and was informed by the nurses who did the cervix check earlier that I was still at 1cm and that my baby has already pooped inside. So, we had no choice. If I had been dilated closer to 10cm, Dr Wong may have waited for natural delivery but because I was still at 1 freaking cm (dunno cervix must be so tight for what), c-section was the only option. The problem was, epidural did not work and in order for Dr Wong to cut me open, I needed to feel numb from waist down. He gave us 2 options; to try for a second dose of epidural or deliver through general anesthesia. We opted to try the epidural again and unfortunately, again it did not work. When Dr Wong told me that I had no choice but to deliver thru GA, my whole body trembled on the OT table. I was so scared that I was going to die or that GA will also not work. And in the midst of being scared, I also thought that it would be really sad for me to die, having to see the anesthetist’s face as the last face before I died. I didn’t even get to see my husby because he was outside getting scrubbed. As the decision was made for me to deliver via GA, husby was also not allowed to see me (if it’s thru epidural, husby is allowed in the OT). My dear husby only saw me 2 hours after the birth of our son, when I was wheeled back to the ward. Husby told me that he was so worried about me that his heart was thumping so fast, that he was afraid it might collapse. Seeing medical staff going in and out of the OT definitely didn’t alleviate his fears.

I was glad that I was able to wake up from the GA and see my husby’s face and embrace my son, finally. I’m sad that I didn’t manage to witness the delivery of my son, and neither did my husby. But I’m glad that my little precious boy made it, despite all the shit I had to go through.

Welcome to this world, Ayshan Adnan. Mummy and daddy promise that you will forever be loved unconditionally.

Born on 20 January 2016, 2208hrs.

37 Weeks Pregnant

As of today, we’re 37 weeks 4 days pregnant. During our last gynae visit at 37 weeks, the cervix is still not opened but baby Ayshan is still at a good weight for him to be delivered naturally, that is, if we were to deliver him by this week. He was at 3.2kg thereabouts then.

Dr Wong did another cervix sweep which was less painful than the first time..or maybe I already knew what to expect and therefore, had relaxed more. Again, so far no blood. He said that my cervix is still thick, in which I translated to be that I’m not yet ready to give birth this week.

As the birth date is nearing, I’ve been feeling a myriad of emotions. The positive feeling is of course…feelings of love. Like how I can’t wait to hold Ayshan and breathe in his heavenly baby scent. Playing with his tiny fingers and toes, blowing raspberries on his fat little tummy, kissing his button nose tip, beautiful lips and chubby cheeks…In fact, kissing him all over.

And then I have the over-powering negative feelings which includes feeling scared and nervous as to how the birthing process is gonna be. How painful will the contractions be? How much more painful will the pushing be? How am I going to withstand the pain? How much will I tear below? Will I die due to blood loss?

And about baby Ayshan, I worry…Will there be complications? What if he’s born with birth defects (I know that the medical results did not indicate anything of that sort but a mother can never stop worrying)?

As I am typing this, Ayshan is continuously moving around, making his presence known. It’s as though he’s telling me not to worry so much as he is a healthy baby (amniotic fluid is still a lot and his heartbeat is normal, based on last scan).

My feelings have translated into dreams and the last dream I had was a few days ago, when I dreamt that I had given birth naturally with epidural and an episiotomy. But generally, the birthing process was a non-terrifying one. I can only hope that it comes true, and pray that God Almighty will protect me and baby Ayshan.

I guess, for someone who is used to controlling and planning almost every aspect of my life, this is an aspect that I have zero control over and it terrifies me, as I do not know what to expect. One thing for sure, no matter how much I prepare myself mentally and physically for the birthing process, I know that the actual process will be hugely different and beyond my limited expectations.

Our next gynae visit is this friday, when we’re at 38 weeks and 1 day. We have to come earlier for a CTG scan first. Other than that, it’s any day now. And while I’ve had a wonderful pregnancy journey thus far, I can’t wait to get the birthing process over and done with, and start the next phase of my life; Motherhood.

36 Weeks Pregnant

We’re happy to note that baby Ayshan has somersaulted back down and so far his weight (currently between 3.1 to 3.2kg) is still allowing us to prolly give birth naturally, assuming we give birth between weeks 37 and 38, which means he’ll be abt 3.5kg when he enters the world. However, Dr Wong did a cervix check and informed me that my cervix is not yet opened. He did some form of “massage” which was rather painful, though bearable, to “coax” the cervix to dilate. I felt sore there for a couple of days after this cervix massage. -_- He said to not be alarmed if I see any blood but I didn’t.

Dr Wong has advised us to do some exercise (brisk walking, squats, climb staircase) for at least 45 mins each day, to ripen the cervix and we have been doing so, religiously. Even if the husby has to work, I make it a point to walk by myself in the day, such as taking a longer route to buy groceries/breakfast. When the husby is not working, we’ll go to the park, walk around the estate or go to some mall to shop. Like today, we’ll be heading to Ikea later to find some storage stuff. I don’t time myself when we go to the mall because mall walking and brisk walking at the park is obviously different. However, when I feel my groin area getting very sore to the point that sitting is a chore, that’s when I know I’ve sufficiently walked enough for that day as it usually takes ard 2-3 hours of walking to get that sore.

I’ve been anxiously waiting for the mucus plug to drop for the past 4 days (as of this post, we’re currently at 36 weeks, 4 days) since the check-up. But nothing has happened so far. Although, I did notice that I will have some form of pinching sensation at the bottom of my uterus on a nightly basis, which can be quite uncomfortable, borderline painful.

I am also having terrible constipation. The kind that makes my face towel (usually wrapped ard my neck while I’m doing my business) super wet, as though I’ve been to the gym. After spending some time on the toilet bowl, I will either have to stand or go on all fours to allow some room for sh*t to flow thru my intestines. I guess the reason for the sh*t to be “held back” is because baby is pressing down against it. And when the sh*t manages to flow down, that’s when the contraction at the intestines get pretty painful.

We’ll be seeing Dr Wong this thursday (week 37) and he will see if my cervix is open. If it is, he will most prolly ask us to go for an induced delivery or if baby is too big, will ask us to go for a c-section. Actually, during the last u/s scan, Dr Wong commented, “I was quite happy to see your baby breech during the last scan because your baby big.” I think he didn’t want the stress (neither do I) at having to deliver a big baby. So, we shall see what God has planned for us. For now, I’m just excited to meet my baby boy and am counting down the days til I get to hold him in my arms. 🙂